She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
