I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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