His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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