Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
