glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
