Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
