what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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