She's JV to your varsity
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
