haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
