It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ok first of all what the fuck
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