Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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