dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
