I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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