Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
