he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
