how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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