I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize