he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
