I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
