how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
