the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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