I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
