I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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