another moral hangover. fuck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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