And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
