I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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