I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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