Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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