Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
