if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
meet me or not, i'm out of control
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
