Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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