Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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