My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
