I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
