it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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