well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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