I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
