There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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