4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
