we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
