We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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