The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
