I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you never un-have a 4some
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
