A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
