I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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