I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
