There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
