I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
