You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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