so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize