why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
