Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
