can we get nightvision for the apartment?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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