Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize