I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
