your thong is hanging out like whoa
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
