Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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