she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't deserve a penis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
