you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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