Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
do nipples grow back?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
