You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
