She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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