booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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