Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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