she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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