you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
