WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
