Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
