so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
