Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
