She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
