i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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