3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
