When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
